What should I be doing?

What should I be doing right now? That is the million dollar question. On Saturday we bought him a pair of shoes. Now I'm thinking we should take them back. Should we get a bigger size or just wait until we see him again to buy shoes, or maybe I should just hang it up and stop? I know buying things is not what it's all about. I just wanted you to think about how this has rocked our world, robbed us of our joy, and made ever single decision we have to make (even the simple ones, like shoe size) into something that is painful and ridiculous. I had my first baby shower on Tuesday, a day that I have waited for for 10 years. Something I thought would never happen to me. It was a happy day, but still clouded with the "what ifs" and tears with some of my church mothers in my small group.
And now the volcano. The team of people going over to iron everything out are stranded in Canada due to the volcanic ash blowing all over the northern hemisphere. What is happening? Dear people that we've met along the way are on pins and needles in Russia, hoping they can come home with their daughter. Another couple are flying out to meet their son for the first time this week filled with fear and dread, and yet another with court in our very region that are waylaid somewhere due to the ash, their future feeling dismal. All this because of one stupid woman. And one stupid volcano.
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. This last week has been....I can't even begin to tell you. There are no words. I thought waiting for a referral was the hardest part. I had no idea how wrong I was.

Here is an article from CNN. It sounds a little better? I think? I don't know. Only God knows and we are trying our best to remain positive and patient.:


A meeting between U.S. and Russian officials over the newly charged issue of American adoptions of Russian children, scheduled for Monday, will likely be delayed, officials in both countries signaled Saturday.

The U.S. delegation is delayed in getting to Moscow because of flight disruptions due to an ash cloud from an Icelandic volcano. The ash has triggered the cancellation of thousands of international flights in recent days.

"The party is holding in Toronto (Canada) due to flight disruptions," State Department spokesman Darby Holladay told CNN on Saturday. "Like many, they await resumption of air travel."

Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak told CNN earlier Saturday that "technical problems seem to be standing in the way from (U.S. officials) coming to Moscow tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

The State Department had announced the meeting on Friday.

Moscow has sent mixed signals on adoptions recently, following the uproar over a Tennessee woman sending home a 7-year-old Russian boy she had adopted.

Kislyak said that U.S. and Russian officials are continuing talks on the matter and sounded upbeat about progress. "We are getting signals from our American colleagues that they understand the issue needs to be dealt with," he said.

A Russian Foreign Ministry spokesman announced Thursday that Moscow had put an end to the adoption of children by American families until rules covering them can be hashed out with U.S. officials.

"Further adoptions of Russian children by the American citizens, which at present has been suspended, will only be possible in case such an agreement is reached," said the spokesman, Andrei Nesterenko.

But Kislyak appeared to soften that line on Saturday. Asked whether adoptions by Americans are currently frozen, he said that "adoption is a process by each and every kid and it takes time. So we'll see how things will develop."

"We're insisting on freezing this unless we have a legal framework negotiated with the United States that provides protection for the people," Kislyak said.

On Friday, State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley seemed unsure about the state of adoptions from Russia.

"I don't think the system has stopped," Crowley said. "It is very possible the system is slowing down as we work through these issues."

Crowley had said that a U.S. delegation from State and the Department of Homeland Security would travel to Moscow this weekend to meet Russian officials on Monday.

Officials at private U.S. adoption agencies say families trying to adopt Russian children are deeply concerned by the current uncertainty. Janice Goldwater, who runs a Silver Spring, Maryland, agency called Adoptions Together, said she is working with two dozen families trying to finalize Russian adoptions.

"I know families that were about to get on an airplane, have court dates scheduled, and they don't know if they should be crying, or dancing with relief," Goldwater told CNN in a telephone interview. "What should I do, should I be finishing the nursery, getting the toddler toys or should I be keeping myself safe and protected by doing nothing?

"So it is a very difficult time for families," Goldwater said.

On Friday, the United States said some U.S. adoptions were still being acted on in Russia.

"There are cases that are still moving forward. There are cases that have been postponed. Does this represent a blanket suspension - the answer is 'no,'" Crowley said at his Friday afternoon briefing.

"Does this mean there could be some instances where cases are held up for a period of time as we try to clarify what's happening and see if we can strengthen the processes that are in place - yes, there well may be delays," Crowley said.

"The Russians have mentioned to us they want to reach a bilateral agreement, Crowley said. "We share the same objective to find improved ways to process these adoptions while making sure these adoptions move forward so we will see what this meeting produces next week."

– CNN's Jeff Simon and Charley Keyes contributed to this report.