Monday, December 13, 2010

Well I wasn't planning on this.....

So today a Polish woman in a track suit saw my lovely lady lumps. For a long time. Today, we had a doctors appointment for bloodwork/chest x-ray/EKG for our court date. We waited in the lobby for 2 hours. With sick people. Not like I have anything against sick people, I just don't want to be breathing their air for 2 hours. I politely asked the receptionist when we could expect to be brought back, after all we weren't there for the doctor, just lab work. She says snott-ily "it's in the box!" I don't know what exactly that means, but I was not a happy camper.
So FINALLY we get called back to the blood chairs. Yes....chairs with straps. With needles lined up next to them. Fun. Chad goes first. The vampiress drains like 6 viles of blood from his forearm. I shoulda went first.
I am not a bleeder. Like an hour later, Chad has already had his TB test and is getting ready for his EKG. They bring me into the tiny room with him and Helga, a older polish woman wearing a track suit. She stabs me in the arm like 4 times with the TB needle and then hooks Chad up to the EKG. 10 minutes and he is done. Then it's my turn. Helga hands me a sheet.
I have to take off my shirt. And my bra. And she says "take off your pants too" In true 2 year old fashion I say "well  he didn't have to take off his pants" (Doesn't she know it's no shave December??!?) She says fine and continues to hook me up to the EKG thingies.
Then the machine breaks. I make topless chit-chat with Helga as she frantically mashes buttons. I mention we've been coming here for 5 years and I've never seen her before. She shrugs and says "I use to do filing, now I do dees" O.K....Waiting, waiting, beeping, cussing, waiting. She says "I'm going to have to go get someone." Great Helga is only about 4'10, I am beached on the exam table, big Chad is trying not to look anywhere in my general direction smashed in the corner of the tiny room. Then the machine lurches and FINALLY spits out the results.

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