I need some help friends. I have been in a major funk.
Have you ever had to make a decision that would ultimately effect the rest of your life?
My brain is like a ping pong ball. As soon as I make up my mind, it makes a lightning fast ping move in the opposite direction.
Lately it's been stuck between two pins. You know when it goes "pooooo--innnnnn, pooooo-innnnnnn" so fast you can't even see it?
Last Tuesday a friend ask us if we wanted to adopt her baby. Like, her still in the womb till November baby.
Heart says "YES!!!" Head says "NO!!!!"
Maybe it's because we fought for 2 years to get Charlie home. We don't know what to do with ourselves when something like this drops into our laps.
Last night I was ready to call her and explain 1,000 of the reasons why we can't have a baby right now.
I didn't call.
This morning I was going to call her and say "We can do this. When's your next ultrasound?"
I didn't call.
My little brain is stuck between those pins, back and forth at lightning speed.
When do opportunities like this arise? Well, for us, once in 11 1/2 years.
Are YOU CRAZY? You can't afford a baby right now. Charlie has been home 7 months. Homestudy? Paperwork? Insurance woes (we haven't gotten Charlie's even figured out yet) Doesn't Charlie deserve to have a Christmas all to himself? He's been sharing and vying for attention his whole life. Could I love another baby as much as I love him? What about the health concerns? What if she changes her mind?
Are YOU CRAZY? Your family would be complete. Charlie would have a brother. They would be a perfect 3 1/2 years apart. You could have a baby. Lots of people have babies. There is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. Babies are so cute and precious and small. I could buy those tiny socks. You know the ones that look like shoes?
I have been trying to keep this private because I know it's a decision Chad and I need to make together. What's right for Charlie and our family.
But I am failing miserably going at this alone. I am making myself sick.
Help.
Have you ever had to make a decision that would ultimately effect the rest of your life?
My brain is like a ping pong ball. As soon as I make up my mind, it makes a lightning fast ping move in the opposite direction.
Lately it's been stuck between two pins. You know when it goes "pooooo--innnnnn, pooooo-innnnnnn" so fast you can't even see it?
Last Tuesday a friend ask us if we wanted to adopt her baby. Like, her still in the womb till November baby.
Heart says "YES!!!" Head says "NO!!!!"
Maybe it's because we fought for 2 years to get Charlie home. We don't know what to do with ourselves when something like this drops into our laps.
Last night I was ready to call her and explain 1,000 of the reasons why we can't have a baby right now.
I didn't call.
This morning I was going to call her and say "We can do this. When's your next ultrasound?"
I didn't call.
My little brain is stuck between those pins, back and forth at lightning speed.
When do opportunities like this arise? Well, for us, once in 11 1/2 years.
Are YOU CRAZY? You can't afford a baby right now. Charlie has been home 7 months. Homestudy? Paperwork? Insurance woes (we haven't gotten Charlie's even figured out yet) Doesn't Charlie deserve to have a Christmas all to himself? He's been sharing and vying for attention his whole life. Could I love another baby as much as I love him? What about the health concerns? What if she changes her mind?
Are YOU CRAZY? Your family would be complete. Charlie would have a brother. They would be a perfect 3 1/2 years apart. You could have a baby. Lots of people have babies. There is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. Babies are so cute and precious and small. I could buy those tiny socks. You know the ones that look like shoes?
I have been trying to keep this private because I know it's a decision Chad and I need to make together. What's right for Charlie and our family.
But I am failing miserably going at this alone. I am making myself sick.
Help.
You should do what your heart tells you. If it is ment to be everything will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way when we started our 2nd adoption and our daughter not having been home a year at that point. Since then she has been home a year and we are still waiting for our 2nd adoption. I know your case is different but it ia awsome news! You are stronger then you think since going through internatinal adoption. You can handel it. Of course you need to decided what's best for your family. Good luck on whatever you guys decided
If your concern is money or things related to money, then my advice is to throw those issues out the window! :o) If we waited to do "X" until we had "$Y" money, we'd never do it. As for Charlie having a Christmas to himself, a newborn is just going to sleep through all of it anyway! LOL~ so he would still be front-and-center! (and just think of the cute Christmas cards you could make!). I'm not sure how close of a friend you are with this woman, but parenting a child that was born of a friend may present a different set of issues- just want to make sure you think about them and what that could mean.
ReplyDeleteAll of this is just quick thoughts- ultimately if God has opened this door for you, He wants you to walk in it. I will be praying for wisdom and discernment for you and Chad as you make this decision! (oh, and I think he should have a name that starts with an S since Chad has a kid with the same 1st initial ;o) hehe
I agree with the previous post. God had opened the door for you. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps"- Proverbs 16:9
ReplyDeleteSounds like parenting a 2nd child is something that you want to do. If it is the money thing, well somehow, He always manages to make it work out. I know the above points are things you have probably said to yourself.
I don't know you all personally, just what I have read from following your blog the last year or so... But, from what sense and read, Charlie will love to have a brother or sister. I say having a baby this Xmas will not take away from Charlie. You can still make the day special for him, like the previous person said, babies that age just sleep through it :-)
OMG! Things like this just don't happen that often. I really don't have any real advice but wanted to give my perspective on a few things. When an infant comes home, they need a lot but they sleep a lot too. They spend a lot of time sitting in swings and bouncers. (don't worry, I held my babies a lot). I would be more concerned bringing an active toddler into the family so soon that is into everything (including Charlies's toys). The beauty of an infant is that they gradually start to overtake the house :) Sleep is the major issue, or lack of sleep.
ReplyDeleteEveryone wonders whether they can love another child as much. The heart just grows! If you planned on giving Charlie a sibling someday, this may be that day :)
We don't know this woman who is offering you her child, so that would be my major worry. You don't want to go through heartache or put Charlie through it. Only you could guess how this would turn out.
With all that said, if the worry of dealing with an infant, the money, the paperwork and Charlie's development all scares the heck out of you, it may not be the right time. But, things have a way of working out!
I can only imagine how excited/stressed you must be. You'll make the right decision. Good luck!!!
Somehow, With all my rambling, I don't think I helped at all :)
The only thing I can say is perhaps this person called you. . .yes, you. . .because of a nudge from God. If the only real concern is money, then it will happen somehow. It always does! I know you're concerned about Charlie having time to himself. He has and he will. A baby sleeps a lot so you'll still have one on one time with him. And the Christmas thing? Charlie probably will be so overwhelmed this year that a little distraction might help (Aidan still gets overwhelmed and we have to stop about half way through to take a break--three and a half years later!). So, if you feel at all inclined, take that leap of faith! God will catch you.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how heavily this decision weighs on you. And, it is a personal decision that only you and your husband can decide, although like you, advice is something I always like when approaching a decision that has my brain feeling like a ping pong ball.
ReplyDeleteI only know you through your blog, but through your blog I know all you went through for your son Charlie and what a doll he is and how much you have enjoyed your time with him!
Maybe the thought of adopting again and adding to your family hasn't had time to sink in yet, maybe you need to think on it some more. I know that one thing I have realized about myself after going through the adoption of our second son is that change is sometimes difficult for me, and even now months after bringing our second son home I still find myself thinking about how it was before. So give it some time and definitely keep your mind and heart open.
I am a fellow blogger and adoptive mom of two, but would prefer to comment anonymously. My husband and I also battled infertility for several years and due to my age knew in our hearts adoption was right. From the moment we met our first son I knew he was meant to be our son. Once he was home I treasured everything we did together took hundreds and hundred of pictures. I absolutely adore everything about him despite his sometimes strong personality.
Several years later my husband and I decided we wanted to add to our family, and even after making that decision I questioned the decision privately and sometimes with my husband. Our second son was a toddler when he came home so definitely different from a baby and many sibling issues came to the forefront right out of the gate that you wouldn't have to face. I do love our second son, but I'll be honest with you my heart is not where it was with my first son. There are times I miss how it was before, and I miss my time with my first son.
Maybe I am an exception or maybe people will think I have a problem, but it is certainly something for you to think about as far as the new family dynamic.
Also, only you and your husband can determine whether you are financially ready. As poeple say, there is no good time to have another one, and something like this may not present itself again, but then again something else may present itself, or maybe you'll decide your family is already complete.
So many things to consider. I do love my sons dearly, but I've said many times to my husband, wouldn't it be nice to just have a baby the old fashioned way.
I'll be thinking about you and saying a prayer you'll have a clear mind as you make this difficult decision.
wow, all necessary advice seems to have been given in the previous comments. Just wanted to say I'll be praying for your family as either decision is going to come with it's own set of challenges.
ReplyDeleteTrying to think of what I would do...can't, what a wild and amazing situation.
Oh my... That's a big decision you have to do! I wouldn't want to be in you shoes...
ReplyDeleteOur son has been home, soon 10Months, and there's no way I could bring an other child in this house right now, but that's my son...
I think you have to look at how your son is with other children at your house and decide if he's ready for a brother and loosing the full attention of his parents.
If he is, then I wouldn't worry too much about money and other things, they tend to fix them self in the end.
While I can't give you advice per say since I have never been in your situation, this is the 3rd blog in as many months that I read that has been approached with this situation. Now none were friends with the mother, that brings a new light, but I know those other two families are over the moon with their decision. I don't know if you read their blogs so I will leave you with their URL's
ReplyDeletehttp://jer2911theplansihaveforyou.blogspot.com/
http://cheeriosinmyshorts.blogspot.com/
Isn't it incredible how God works? Sometimes frustrating, and confusing...but none the less, incredible. My husband and I will be praying for your family. I can't imagine what you are dealing with.
ReplyDeleteRead Psalm 34:4 - God will deliver you from your fears. This verse has helped me through big decisions.
WOW!!! That's the first thing that popped into my head when I read this. I agree with all the above post. Just remember God picked your family for a reason..rely on Him!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear your decision! Good Luck and prayers for guidance.
Here we go- short sweet and to the point. God opens doors! Pray and make sure this is God's door and not- that other guy, eh hem-the one whose name is not spoken (OK, I'm just being silly- clearly i'm referring to Satan) AND THEN SAY YES!!!! You know first hand- siblings are GREAT! Imagine your life without Britt. The day your parents found out they were carrying Britt, do you think they said, 'Oh, doesn't Sarah deserve Christmas to herself?', When we found out God was giving us Kennedy do you think we said, 'Well, we can't really afford more diapers, so we'll just pass on this on' HELL NO! (Sorry, I wanted to get my point across) Talk to this girl- make sure she is serious. You don't want to get your heart set only for her to change her mind- then GO FOR IT! God is GOOD! He gave you a family- he knows how long you waited- so he's not waiting anymore! PS My friend, Shannon who adopted her first 2 children simultainiously from Russia has since adopted TWO more, fostered multiple. Her youngest son came as a tiny infant who needed fostering. THeir first infant in the house- God opened that door and he is now THEIRS! AS in- God gave them the tiny baby they prayed for years to have. They raised toddlers, teenagers (through fostering) and finally got their infant. OK- this was not short and sweet- but you get the point. EEEKK!!!!!!
ReplyDelete