Control Freak!

We "met" with Anya today via teleconference. She does have a Russian accent and it was beautiful! She had no trouble relaying her thoughts to us, she was very articulate and knowledgeable. We worked through a little worksheet sheet she e-mailed to us prior to our meeting and we checked them off one by one. Then the discussion started- She suggested we broaden our age bracket to 0-24 months. (Unexpected factor #1) I though 18 months was "old!" She explained it as "what if you are referred a 17 month old baby. By the time you travel the second time that baby could be 19-20 months old." We could loose that baby and it would cost us more money to redo our home study so that we are "approved" for a 20 month old baby- even though it's the same baby we fell in love with. Ok, I totally understand that. But in my mind I was picturing a tiny baby!
(Unexpected factor number 2) She let us know why the 10 day waiting period exists after we go before the judge and he approves the adoption. We just assumed it was so that the paperwork could catch up with us in Moscow. Noooo.... the family of the orphan has 10 days to "get the baby back" Panic mode now. She said it was very, very rare, but there are no guarantees. Ok.....I was upset even at the thought of this!
(Unexpected factor #3) Well, we got to the discussion about which region and she said "ok I'll assign you a region in the next few days" Hmmmm..... that was unexpected. We had done a little research....but still know nothing about the ins and outs of each region. In my mind that makes total sense. Let the expert make the call about what suits our family. But still, could I at least get some more information?
My heart at this point was about to jump out of my chest! This is out of my control! I had no say in where MY baby comes from (Russia is a huge place with many diverse regions) I don't get a say in how old they will be (what if they have been in the orphanage too long and the developmental delays are too great?) and worst of all- What if someone comes and takes my baby back after they have lived in an institution since birth? What gives them the right!!!
After I had time to step back, think, pray, ponder and eat 2 cupcakes (thank you Mark Fischer), 4 pieces of chocolate, and a bag of potato chips, I thought to myself- this has never been in my control! Why am I so upset? If I say I trust God, then shouldn't I act like I trust God? It's like saying "Ok God I trust you to bring me a healthy baby, but I want to pick how old they are, which region they were born in, how long they lived in an orphanage, and while I'm at it I might as well just get a list so I can approve which children are acceptable!"
I am not going to be a backseat driver! (Even though I am really good at it, just ask Chad) How many times in our lives have we been sure about what was "best" for us and God has not only met our expectations, but exceeded them beyond our wildest imagination? Why should this be any different? I will tame my inner "control freak" and practice what I preach! Sorry for the preaching!